i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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