I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I could fuck to npr.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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