jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
