I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
