mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
