So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
