Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
