My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize