Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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