you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
