I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
