my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
