Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
