If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
