i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I am naked and annoyed.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
