I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
