Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
