Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
