we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I would ride that face into the sunset
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
