you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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