i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
