Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
