Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
