One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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