Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
