Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
