Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
