At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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