Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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