mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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