The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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