part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
