help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
do herpes really smell.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
