apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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