Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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