Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
