If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
My vagina just recognized that song.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
