you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
ok first of all what the fuck
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
