Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
