so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
