i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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