The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
