Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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