i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
