well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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