I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
