i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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