haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
