can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i drank out of a bidet.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
