you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Panties = found
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