im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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