Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
