then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
