Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
