Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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