Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
