for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
