I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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