Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
