Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Randomize
