Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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