Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
