oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
