Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
