Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
