Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
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