Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
