I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize