He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
